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We've been friends for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered many obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she has been often taken by surprise by others. Her partner left her, and it was an unexpected event. Several of close acquaintances vanished during that time, because they seemed focused solely on her husband. This surprised her. She put in more effort toward our bond, likely understood better the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, quite a few close to her vanished and she isn't sure why. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, even though she was an excellent employee, she departed not understanding what had changed.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we have each retired and are seeing each other more, but I am finding my position between us feels one-sided. I open discussion points but she shifts them to what interests her. In terms of politics, she has strong opinions. I try to recommend verifying facts and different perspectives.

She's been planning a holiday to a country I have traveled to many times and lived in for a while. I tried to offer personal experiences, yet it was unappreciated. She essentially solely sought validation of her choices. I recently returned from 30 days in that country she hopes to catch up, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend that walks away abruptly, however, I feel she can understand the impact of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

One option is to cut and run, however, that approach is rarely a smooth outcome we imagine. But confrontation aiming for resolution takes courage and openness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially involves describing what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be objective and clear like exactly what occurs. Step two is to tell the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement on this point. Emotions belong to you, naturally. Finally involves requesting how the two of you going to change the dynamics in your relationship."

Remember she too has a point of view, so you need to be prepared to hear that. A helpful technique involves stating to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak while I will remain silent for a set time."

It's remarkably successful for promoting understanding.

Closing Considerations

Your friend may dismiss everything, as some people hold onto a deep-seated story: they maintain a narrative regarding their experiences they cannot release because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing they trust. This is difficult as there is no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. But she may start out this way before reflecting your perspective. And even if you don't achieve an agreement, it provides satisfaction that you've been open and direct.